The List

A few weeks ago, my friend Linda posted this article by Rev. Tim Keller - an excerpt from his book on marriage. It's called You Never Marry the Right Person. I guess I agree with that in general because I don't believe in the one-and-only-one soul mate. But I do believe some men are more compatible with me than others, and I just could not imagine living with someone that was fundamentally different from me. Keller says looking for that one person who will accept us and fulfill our desires in unrealistic.

I disagree. Sure: it is unhealthy to make another being responsible for ALL of your happiness. But I do think I deserve to be with someone who is tender, supportive of my goals and desires, and caring to the world around us. So yes, I do believe there is a right person for me to marry, just as there are many wrong persons.

I have a list of qualities I look for in a companion. Most people do. Or should, lest they settle for the next best guy/gal to be with. In case you don't have one, I'll give you my list to get you started. I've revised it over the years, but I know that this is what I want today:

Must-Haves in a Man
     1. Funny
     2. Kind
     3. throw-against-the-wall-&-tear-his-clothes-off hot (not looking
         for a friend here)
     4. passionate about something (preferably choral music)
     5. able to support himself, a normal apartment and a regular car
     6. educated or intelligent or both (got to be able to talk about
         more than the weather)
     7. non-smoker
     8. non-violent and not into hunting, Satan-worship or animal
         sacrifices
     9. able to (nicely) call me on my shit (a.k.a., must have balls)
    10. fairly liberal

Think that's too much? Why would I want to live with a dull, mean, unattractive, bored loser who smells like smoke, kills animals, threatens people and votes for the wrong party? Sure, I have friends in some of these categories, but I don't want to marry those friends. And I shouldn't have to, just to not be alone. There are also things that would be

Nice-to-Haves
     - good with kids/old people
     - drives a normal car (not some souped-up pick-up truck)
     - dresses well (I can let that go if he'll let me dress him)
     - traveled
     - never married/no kids
     - recycles (or okay with me digging plastic bottles out of the trash)
     - speaks some German
     - likes cats

I actually know a select few people that fit these criteria, but unfortunately none of them are available. But I know men like this are out there. So if it's okay with everyone, I will just wait until I find one. Because I don't have to settle.